Saturday, 24 November 2012

All for love

Embracing Islam only a few years back, I must admit that I am always jealous of other brothers and sisters. This jealousy is not of their success, or wealth or health. But more about how much they know about Islam and how little I have learned. I wish I can recite the Quran and understand, feel and mean each beautiful word as I recite it, I wish I have knowledge of the hadith, I wish I know more about the prophets, I wish... oh, this list is endless. But most importantly, I wish I know all there is to know about our Creator. Again and again He has given me rich experiences reminding that He has not forgotten me, that He, above all, deserves my undying love and devotion.
Alhamdulillah! Struggling with agonising yet edifying experiences afforded me eyes to look past what I thought I needed and to see the world from a different perspective. A muslimah's perspective. Oh! How much I love Him. I am lovestruck. I am a woman in love. I love Him with all my heart that it hurts. But I feel that I don't know much about Him. And not knowing is a burden in my heart. I want to be the woman He wants me to be. I don't want to be rejected. I don't want to be forgotten. 

Then it struck me. Oh! How I have wronged Him! I didn't know. I was blind and ignorant. But I am learning more and more each day. I pray for strengths to attain istiqamah.

My purpose in life has changed.